I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
