Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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