I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
