I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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