Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
