I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im just a social blackout drinker.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
