bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this just has baby written all over it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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