This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
