12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize