i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
