I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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