Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My cat gives me a boner
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize