Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
