yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
