I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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