I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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