I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
