Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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