covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
