I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
