I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
