so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
