you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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