Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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