They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
