there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
