some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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