Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize