I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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