Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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