There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
