Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
