I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
