omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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