Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
