i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
