i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
