I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
