I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
