The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
