i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize