I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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