Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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