I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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