you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
