he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
