we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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