He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
