Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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