I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
