Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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