In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize