On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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