dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
