using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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