Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
