my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You are the jesus of drinking
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
