after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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