Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
They have beer where we have blood.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
