I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
