What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize